On 21st Presents: Practicality vs. Fun.

I have just gone through that other now redundant milestone; the 21st.
Of course legally speaking this birthday means exactly nothing in this country, perhaps the only slightly positive legal aspect is that I can get a drink in most countries I would want to get a drink at, and that apparently I can marry in India, Hong Kong and Nepal without parental consent which is quite the thrill.
When it comes to the question of presents for a 21st, each and every person has the battle of whether to play on the novelty of the outdated tradition or to treat it as any other birthday. Luckily, most obey the former.
It perhaps could’ve helped too that my party consisted of eighty percent middle aged aunts and uncles. In this respect the tradition is not dead yet.
The first ‘gifts’ I got were varying amounts of cash, useful to one who is, by a large majority of definitions, unemployable and out of work. It seemed each time I squandered one lot of birthday funds another was shortly to arrive. The timing was splendid and it has kept me going over the last few weeks.
I suppose when people give you such amounts of money they expect you would buy yourself a present with it. And I suppose they class a present as something you wouldn’t have bought yourself anyway, such as a nice pair of socks or a 80s compilation CD.
However, as none of these suppliers specify, I made the judgment call to spend the money on things that make me happy or, at worst, less miserable. Namely; drink and cigarettes, I am a class act.
The other early present I received was a book voucher. Vouchers are more specific, if someone really knows you and your spending habits well they will give you a voucher. It is something that says ‘I know you will waste money if I give you money, so I am giving you this’.
Certainly not a bad move, and its nice to have funds designated to the good side of your brain. Another thing is that in Use vs. Fun a book voucher is utterly useful to someone like me; an avid reader with his books locked in a box 4 hours away.
At the party the presents truly flowed. I will break them down based on their practical employment versus their novelty.
-A nice, sturdy canvas bag:
I don’t know how it goes with you fine folks, but a bag is only ever a practical item in my world. I am a hoarder of all kinds of junk, and more often than not I am taking that junk somewhere. So, throughout these travels I have gained an appreciation and a fondness of a good bag. It isn’t the funnest thing, but it certainly has its use.
- A 21st Beer Glass:
Perhaps a typical 21st present in most respects. Then again, its not really a 21st if you don’t get some sort of drinking apparatus. It is the rarity in that it fits equally into both Fun and Use. First of all, drinking is fun, and there is something manly about drinking from a purpose built glass. On use, as a drinker of Hahn Super Dry I was overjoyed to find the glass in question held a standard SD bottle perfectly, not a drop over or a drop under.
-A Kaleidoscope.
This one could be seen as inappropriate for a 21 year old, and in any other case would be. However, I immersed many hours in the world of the crystal lense as a youngster and associate memories of the twisting colors and shapes with happier more carefree times. Perhaps of note also is that the only kaleidoscope I ever properly used belonged to my Uncle, who gave me mine. Naturally this one is purely fun.
-A silver Celtic pocket watch”
I have always wanted a pocket watch. They are classy, manly and suave. So when I opened the lid on this fellow, I was delighted. It is a very practical gift for one who has no proper concept of time, due to an addled memory. However, it also has an element of fun and uniqueness to it. Plus, it’s the kind of thing I can own forever and will always remember my small moment in the sun when I look at its shiny engraving.
- Slick Black Dress Pants:
I am usually staunchly against clothing as presents. It has no fun to it, nothing you can really do but wear it (although, there once was a time that I would only have socks and undies when my grandmother got them for my June commemorations). Though, with the winds changing and my sense and interest in fashion and dressing well growing, and my need of new pants this is an apt gift. Black is certainly my color and, after tearing the crotch out of countless stretch jeans, it is always nice to have a slim but loose fit.
- A giant double ended dildo and g-string with cock sock.
If I were a bolder man, a more out loud and proud type, then these would be useful. But I garauntee that the friend who bought them didn’t have use intended, infact I think he would be disgusted if use resulted. The novelty is not lost on me, put it this way; if you own a giant double ended dildo and black g-string with a cock-sock, you have done some partying.
- A Giant 4.5 Liter bottle of Chivas Regal Scotch Whisky.
This thing is great. It is 142 standard drinks or, in my terms, 1 great weekend. It has its own stand to tip from and is almost novelty in size. I am really unsure of who these things are marketed at, but I am glad I have one.
The thing is, Scotch whisky isn’t my favourite. So perhaps my desire in owning one is for the gimmick of it. Though I have gained an appreciation for the fine drink and it is going steadily. I often have half the mind to buy a refill, as I don’t want it to run out.
I shant mention price, but these things aren’t cheap and it was truly sweet of my brother and sister to shell out for it.

As for now, I may not get another present until I am 50, which I fine by me. Much as I have enjoyed my various gifts, I am not very materialistic, not anymore. The best thing about this list of gifts as a collaborative effort is they all come from different aspects of life. Fashion, drink, novelty, travel, childhood fun and life need are all covered. I couldn’t be happier and more thankful to all those fine people who bought me gifts.

Until I am 50….
NP.