Note On Decisions

I don't know about you, but I am consistently indecisive. Its as if deciding between the chicken parma and the chicken with pepper sauce (a treat, to be sure) is climbing Everest with one bad knee and one good hangover.

It's hard to say why it is I am like this, less of a sceptic might say it was the way god made me but I don't buy it. I am not naturally anything (aside from tall and handsome), but least of all one who flip-flops.

It would be fair to say, with the modesty I can muster, that part of it is not wanting to be blamed for making a bad decision. I don't want to be the one everyone looks at while we aren't enjoying the porridge I decided on for dinner, I mean that’s the kind of thing that can haunt you.

But that’s in a group situation. In deciding something that effects only me, I am no more successful. Too caught up in possible regrets, obviously more with major life decisions (like whether to make a sly remark to that sexy gardener or not) than with petty things.

For instance, I have done my share of moving in the five years since I graduated but still I am not content. I think there is something in common between the indecisive and the travel fiend, some place is always better.

While most of my friends have either committed to long-term jobs or study I am left starting my under-graduate at 23 and only one diploma to my name. In some sense I did a lot of living in that time (and a hell of a lot of line-dance troupe try-outs) but getting my proverbial shit together I

did not.

I guess the real issue I have is that nothing is ideal, I try to be a realist, but I am simply not. My ambitions often overtake my means and, though it is getting better as I get older, I am still not willing to settle.