ON HOW TO BALANCE YOUR SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES.

One of the major perils of being in a relationship is surrendering some or all of you're former life. It is unavoidable, there are only so many hours in a day.

If handled well those close to you will get equal face time (or at least feel like they are), if handled poorly, you are likely to isolate those who used to mean a lot to you.

It is not to say you can possibly spend as many hours talking nonsense with your mates, you shouldn't want to. Of course, a healthy relationship survives on spending time with your significant other, but a healthy friendship survives on the same.

One theory that is notable in this issue is the independent/co-dependent theory. Everyone is living multiple lives most of the time. You are:

• The 'you' only you know.
• The 'you' your family knows (maybe additionally different with different family members, I.e different to your mother than you are to an uncle)
• The 'you' your friends know.
• The 'you' you are at work.
• The 'you' your wife, husband, girl or boyfriend know.

These are all aspects of one cohesive unit. They have to be, you can't be totally alien between any two of these groups. Often its more a case of what you omit or what you say or how you say it. A sexual encounter may be a crude or exciting event as you explain it to your friends or a sign of hopeless love and commitment when explained to your mother.

While these groups can and do co-exist, they all vie for a piece of your time- one on one. In some sense they all need it. You don't bring your wife to work with you, nor do you invite your boss to share your marital bed.

Frequently these other groups get put on standby for your infatuation with the other . You both had lives before you got together and those lives will still be there if you break up. The people around you shouldn't be put on standby while you schmooze with each other.

Nor should you deprive yourself of time away from your girlfriend or boyfriend. Alone time is important, social time is important. Not just important, but equally important as that with your lover.

No-one wants to feel second best or like someone is taking you away from them and the challenge is in maintaining their value, for them and you. You need the life you have with your partner and the one you have away from them.

Just because you had the good fortune of finding someone, from a platonic lover to a soul mate, doesn't mean you should be any less responsible for your other responsibilities.