A Tale Of Two Shitties: Missing The Shitiness.

By hook or by crook I am now a Melburnian, in that I live in this city. In that sense and that sense only I fall under that moniker. Though it is probably worthwhile to add 'Self-Loathing' or 'Reluctant' as a prefix to my new status.

We recently, us Melburnians, held a State of Origin match. For those out of the know it is a Rugby League match, hotly contested between New South Wales and Queensland.

Dead-Set Heroes. 

Biggest Cunts On The Planet. 

It really is our thing. Melbourne does not give a single shit about rugby league. They are pansies, on the scale, more concerned with the cultural revelation that is Aussie Rules. Let me say on the record: I don't get it. It is mayhem and seems mainly a mess with the occasional goal scored. A work-mate of mine who watched the Melbourne origin was baffled by the players continuing to rise despite the big hits.

A Good Spot For Your Next Function.

I digress. Holding a game down here Melbourne was, all of a sudden, League crazy. In the week leading up to the game I heard nothing but how good at hosting events Melbourne was. Nothing of game specifics, there is not a shit to be given, just that Melbourne is a good choice for this event.

Which leads me to my problem. Melbourne isn't even middle of the road, it's hard vanilla. There really is nothing more you could want in a city; cultured, sporting, inhabited by intelligent people and with a sensible road map to navigate.

But something is missing. At least something is missing to me. I miss the bogan looking for a fight, I miss the haphazard nature of things, I miss the schizophrenia of a city on its knees. I miss the unapologetic nature of my home state

I miss being called a 'faggot', a 'cunt' and a 'useless white prick'. I miss the insanity the convict pedigree of Sydney has bred. I miss, too, being asked what I am looking at. I miss the rudeness, the crudeness and the brashness of Sydney-siders.

I have always figured, and maybe its the country in me, that if I wanted to live in a city, I might as well be accosted for it. It is what I am used to.

NP.