On Saying I Love You….Or Not.

This is a recurring issue in my life, what to do when someone drops the L Bomb.
Of course, anyone who says this is casting an open net to reel it back in turn, but I just can’t do it. The reasons are numerous and not, as they might otherwise be, elements of my stunted personality. Others, and yes predominately the penis bearing kind, take issue with it and for, by and large, precisely the same reasons.
For one thing, we already know and would hope the other half already know. In truth, once a day is over-adequate number of utterings for me, but it should be at worst the upper limit. Granted I forget phone numbers, names, home addresses and what I had for lunch, but I wont forget that.
Since I am so stringent on not reciprocating as much as might be expected or demanded, yet wary of the outcomes to such an attitude, it becomes tense each time it is said which, with those who chose to say it, is every few minutes.
The other thing is, it seems a shade forced. As though at first you are trying to convince me, then yourself. That it is thrown around far too easily and so loses its punch. I.e If you say it forty times a day, it wont mean much on the wedding day or when crowding around the scone of a newborn. Its akin to saving your stomach for lobster instead of cereal.
A very good friend of mine had another point of view on the matter, as well as the aforementioned views. I shant credit him in name, as I have the feeling he wouldn’t want his name thrown around and another feeling that he wouldn’t mind the lack of credit.
He said to me that the ‘love yous’ come largely in the honeymoon period, the puppy love stages when things are fresh and new. That you might want to express with each breath how darn pleased you are with the arrangement, though after that period the love you’s die off as the love does and, to quote; ‘its all downhill from there’.
I have the feeling that insecurity may come into it. That those who love you, want more to be loved and understand the universal obligation to hit them back. In theory I should abide they are only words and it is physically an easy enough thing to say , though my convictions to words prevent me- I try to keep some power in them and misuse and abuse burns power and meaning faster than most things.
Of course all the ‘sayers’ tell me that its so if something happens to me, it would be the last thing they told me. I would rather they tell me to look for buses or get some mental help.
Though in seriousness I think this has something to do with them covering their bases perhaps, so that they wont have to regret not saying it enough. But for each who tells me those dreaded words, I should hope they know that I know and that I wouldn’t doubt it on my deathbed.
The problem is so bad that whenever I am told it in phone conversation or otherwise, the best I can muster is ‘you too’ or ‘same here’.
A word of advice though to those who choose to mention it all the time, after a while we start not believing you.
Just a thought.

NP.