I don't know about you, but I am
consistently indecisive. Its as if deciding between the chicken parma
and the chicken with pepper sauce (a treat, to be sure) is climbing
Everest with one bad knee and one good hangover.
It's hard to say why it is I am like
this, less of a sceptic might say it was the way god made me but I
don't buy it. I am not naturally anything (aside from tall and
handsome), but least of all one who flip-flops.
It would be fair to say, with the
modesty I can muster, that part of it is not wanting to be blamed for
making a bad decision. I don't want to be the one everyone looks at
while we aren't enjoying the porridge I decided on for dinner, I mean
that’s the kind of thing that can haunt you.
But that’s in a group situation. In
deciding something that effects only me, I am no more successful. Too
caught up in possible regrets, obviously more with major life
decisions (like whether to make a sly remark to that sexy gardener or
not) than with petty things.
For instance, I have done my share of
moving in the five years since I graduated but still I am not
content. I think there is something in common between the indecisive
and the travel fiend, some place is always better.
While most of my friends have either
committed to long-term jobs or study I am left starting my
under-graduate at 23 and only one diploma to my name. In some sense I
did a lot of living in that time (and a hell of a lot of line-dance
troupe try-outs) but getting my proverbial shit together I
did not.
I guess the real issue I have is that
nothing is ideal, I try to be a realist, but I am simply not. My
ambitions often overtake my means and, though it is getting better as
I get older, I am still not willing to settle.
