The older I get the more I realise how
inept I am at proper adult life. Oh sure I can shop for myself, in
that I can sustain myself on cereal alone, I can do my laundry when
smell becomes tactile and even wake up on time if I have a billion
super-loud alarms and a person as safety.
What I can't do is just about
everything else. I got a group certificate this year and it scared
the shit out of me, I am supposed to declare my income? I don't know
how and, even since then, I have not. I have a feeling this is one of
those things with distinct and costly terms and conditions, but I
don't know what they are and am too intimidated by the precision of
it all to find out. Odds are this will be the thing that eventually
destroys me, but for now it's just another thing- on top of every
other shitty thing the world can cough up, and no more relevant.
Then today I get notice the boss has
put me in a super account. Super, for the uninitiated, is
superannuation. It is money put aside, bit by bit during your working
life,for the purpose of losing it at a casino somewhere when you
retire. Or, buy a caravan, pay off your grandsons dog-fighting debt,
budget it out to cover you in soups and hard candy for your remaining
years or give meth a go. There is no right way to retire, you guys.
So the kicker with this account is
that is also has life insurance.166 thousand for my head. Being that
a funeral in this country averages between 4-15 grand, I can't
imagine the necessity of all the rest. Like my donated organs, the
money is something that would only be useful to me if I were not
dead. Though I see why the price exists, so let's break it down.
166 thousand dollars would be useful
to someone who:
Wants a Fancy Funeral
No Thankyou!
I don't. I shan't be there to see
it,so it means precisely zero to me. An ideal in my mind is to be
shot naked into the ocean which, admittedly, would cost some. But
dying wishes are the easiest to ignore, and its not like I can hold a
grudge. The money would be better spent on people sustaining their
aliveness, which is someone who....
Has Dependents
I have zero. Some might say; 'But
dude, the world is a strange place, your in your mid-twenties, shit
can change on a dime. You might have a family ten years from now,
then where will you be?'. To them I say, hopefully Louisiana. And
also, your probably wrong. If a relatively basic concept like
superannuation warrants a wordy blog, how in the world shall I handle
little monsters? Sure, Lady GaGa fans are tough, but I mean children.
I have no desire and have trouble
believing 'no desire' will turn into any more than that in however
many years. Stranger things have happened, no doubt, but you can only
go on the most current data. In years gone by I always said 'if the
woman I love wants children, I will oblige'. This is convention, I
suppose. To me now though, I wonder why she loves me in the first
place if she knows my stance on the offspring issue. It is only
slightly different than having a child to resurrect a troubled
relationship. Which actually works great.
Needs To Settle Debts
I have none. No car loan, mortgage or
fifty to the awkward neighbour. I may own a house at some point, but
it seems unlikely. Commitment is a definitive weak point of mine. The
stereotypical argument is that rent is 'dead money'. In a sense, yes.
But in another, rent allows a certain flexibility that mortgages do
not. A dream of mine is to see the world, like, all of it. I have
seen 13 countries, which means 191 more. That is not possible with a
40 year mortgage. My sister is frustrated by her own mortgage. It
limits you, which is great if you want to stay in the same place
forever. I don't
With the retirement age looking like
it will roll up to 70, there is every chance I won't live to see any
of my super. So, at 25 and still pretty obviously naïve about
things, the 310 dollars I do have in super has been hastily invested
in, likely, super-risky ventures. It is the absolute height of
financial apathy....YOLO, I guess.
NP
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