5 Annoying Phrases Used Too Often.

A big part of what characterises us as people is the way we speak. And a big part of the way we speak is our recurring little turns of phrase. We all have things we say on the reg, and ‘on the reg’ is one of mine. The way you speak sets you aside from the crowd, or at very least puts you as a part of a smaller crowd, and that has been a human endeavour since bums looked good in tight dresses.

But there is a danger in this. In saying a cute little expressions too often you become defined, in something that was meant to rid you of definition. Your lingual quest to set yourself apart can set you, in quick form, to being a very annoying little prick indeed.

“Do You Know What I Mean”

I once worked with a man named Tekken. I spell it that way because I love the game and have no idea how it is spelled in it’s traditional Turkish.

He was a good guy, don’t get me wrong, happy-go-lucky and smiling, nothing seemed to bring him down. But he would continually query my understanding of what he had just said. Like:

‘What use is it to my kids to learn Turkish, Do you know what I mean?’

Of course I did. As with anyone who uses this phrase too often it is, in the vast majority of times, following an obvious phrase. That is probably most of the problem. If we didn’t know what you meant, we would check.

“How’s The Weather?”

This is what Martin Amis would call ‘Dead Words’, he might not capitalise but hey, I am kinda a god around this free and little-read blog. We ask about the weather because it is the safe option. If you know  nothing about your conversation partner you can relate on the weather, in a different citty, state, country it works. It is literally universal, not that the weather is the same everywhere just that we all experience weather.

Obviously there is disparity. As an overweight six foot dude I experience mother natures period differently to a anorexic five nothing woman. That is life. Nonetheless I can talk with this woman about the weather and, hey, it might just spark something. That is the point after all, isn’t it?

“That’s Life”

And so is everything. You know, you hear it all the time. It is a consolation prize of a phrase really. You don’t hear it on a yacht, or with  a bunch of high-end hookers or when a Maserati hits a Rolls Royce. No, this is a phrase reserved for the working class, the downtrodden, the shit on rather than the shitters. There is no real point in commenting on life when it is good.

You use this, I use this, we all use this when life is unbearable or shitty or just gets you down. Blaming the all eternal and external force of life is easier than admitting you ate some random shit.

“Wait Until Your Father Gets Home”

You all know it well. You have just rubbed your dick on your sisters toothbrush. Yeah, I know, I know- a super hilarious prank. But then your mother catches you. Your dad is busy at work drinking or whatever it is he does, but the minute he gets home it is time for pain.

Trouble is, everyones dad is a violent alcoholic. Aren’t they? I am sure we have all heard this one time too many. You can threaten the old man all you want, you are just playing the same old game; endlessly repeating yourself.

“I will call the police”

I hear this one all the time. All the damn time. They really won’t shut up about it. You flash your dick and its ‘I will call the police’, you eat a snickers you didn’t pay for and walk out it’s ‘I will call the police’, you drive pissed one time, ONE TIME, for a burger and the window girl will call the police. 

Stop saying it, it is old like  hessian pair of boots. Don’t let your wanting to mention police involvement define you. I mean, I have seen what it has done to the young women in my basement and I can say, they are shadows of themselves. They used to be so vibrant, willing and loving of life, now they just talk about police. Bitter.

NP.